Friday, July 13, 2012

Ready and Waiting

My bag is packed. It has been packed. And so is Sweet Girl's, who will stay at  my parents' when the awaited time comes. The massive to-do list is done. We're just waiting.

Although my emotions have fluctuated the past couple weeks, I feel my body has been gearing up and has been ready. And although my emotions are settling down, impatience lingers.

I feel like I have been "nesting," as they call it, this week. Mainly in the kitchen. I really want there to be food to eat (especially easy snacking). Tuesday at the store I stocked up on things and organized the freezer and cabinets in order to make room. Thursday I made pretzel bites for snacking (an idea I got from a friend), cut up carrots and celery, and cleaned and organized the refrigerator (which has been on the list for about a month). Today I cleaned the sink and Sweet Girl's chair and mopped. (All things I try to do weekly, but don't always get done.)

And so I feel the time is coming. But I've felt that way for a couple weeks now. I don't know how long my body is going to gear up before it actually starts the real process. And so I'm waiting.

I just finished my first Wendell Berry book. I've long wanted to read his works since several people I admire refer to him often and read his books. And so I read Hannah Coulter. It's a fictional book where Hannah reflects on her almost fully lived life of being a farmer's wife and mother (to put it simply). The farm life and community described in the book struck a cord of longing with me.

And now my mind is "nesting" with ideas of the future. The future for my husband and me, the future of our children. And part of it is centered around food. I'm learning more about what is truly real food, looking beyond organic, and realizing I can't find most of what I need at the store. And a lot of it I can't even find locally. What I can find, I can't afford.

Yet, as we gave thanks for our food this evening, I was reminded to be thankful for food at all, even if it isn't as nutritious as it could be. And I was reminded that, although we have a responsibility to care for our bodies as best we can, our spiritual health is what is most important. I have hope that in the future we can provide our food for ourselves more, or get it from friends and neighbors. But mostly I have a hope that I can instill a balance in my children - to seek good health, enjoyment, and a quality life - but more importantly to seek Christ in all, putting Him above everything else.

So these are my thoughts today as I wait.

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