A week later, and still waiting... I was feeling pretty discouraged last night and stressed about the timing. But God, in His graciousness, gave me a peace. And not just an unexplainable peace, but also some rationalization, which He knows I need. So I am feeling better, but I still have moments when I think, "I wish this would just happen already!" Then I try to think, "I trust You Lord. Help me to enjoy the time."
For, really, there's no rush. Coach is home a lot, so he helps with Sweet Girl if I need a break (which I do often!). He goes up and down the stairs putting the laundry in the washer or dryer and brings it back up again. He does the dishes. He rubs my feet at night. It's great to spend so much time with him!
And Sweet Girl... it was her birthday yesterday and we celebrated by having some friends over in the morning and going to the park (her favorite) in the evening. So besides trying to enjoy my time with them, here and now, I am trying to just keep going as if I wasn't waiting for something big to happen any moment.
I started another book, Little Women. I read it in junior high, but I don't remember much of it at all. I didn't start a book for a couple days because I was "sure" I wouldn't have time to finish it. But, obviously, I've had more time than I thought and reading is so relaxing (and distracting!).
I started a year-long "research project". Basically I want to learn more about real food and traditional ways of preparing it. Next I want to plan ways to implement all I learn into our lives. The goal is at the end of the year to have a timeline of changes to slowly make in regards to what food I buy and how I prepare it. I have eleven goals (so far) of things I want to learn or plan during this time. I hope to have this as my sole focus for the short times I get to myself. We'll see how it goes. I was planning on starting a month or two after the baby's born, but since I had extra time on my hands, I went ahead and made my goals and I'll do what I can until then.
Mostly I will do my research online. To organize all the information I find, without writing a ton of notes, I downloaded the program Evernote. I heard about it awhile ago here, but since we were using Coach's work laptop, I didn't want to download it on there. Now we have a new computer (which I love!), so I did it. I think it will be very handy and I'm really excited.
That brings me to thoughts about this blog. I'm not sure what I'll want to do here after the dust settles with the baby. It might be a random, when-I-have-thoughts-blog again. After all, I'm sure I'll have much less time. But maybe I'll want to do something structured again, just not as much. Maybe I will want to share all I'm learning in my research project. I would like some opinion from my few readers (I knew there are a couple out there...). At least so I can give it some consideration. I do enjoy blogging, but it does take time and effort. I may not miss it so much once I'm busier... Just not sure what direction I'll go.
Please keep us in your prayers during this time! It's certainly a trial of patience and trust.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
My bag is packed. It has been packed. And so is Sweet Girl's, who will stay at my parents' when the awaited time comes. The massive to-do list is done. We're just waiting.
Although my emotions have fluctuated the past couple weeks, I feel my body has been gearing up and has been ready. And although my emotions are settling down, impatience lingers.
I feel like I have been "nesting," as they call it, this week. Mainly in the kitchen. I really want there to be food to eat (especially easy snacking). Tuesday at the store I stocked up on things and organized the freezer and cabinets in order to make room. Thursday I made pretzel bites for snacking (an idea I got from a friend), cut up carrots and celery, and cleaned and organized the refrigerator (which has been on the list for about a month). Today I cleaned the sink and Sweet Girl's chair and mopped. (All things I try to do weekly, but don't always get done.)
And so I feel the time is coming. But I've felt that way for a couple weeks now. I don't know how long my body is going to gear up before it actually starts the real process. And so I'm waiting.
I just finished my first Wendell Berry book. I've long wanted to read his works since several people I admire refer to him often and read his books. And so I read Hannah Coulter. It's a fictional book where Hannah reflects on her almost fully lived life of being a farmer's wife and mother (to put it simply). The farm life and community described in the book struck a cord of longing with me.
And now my mind is "nesting" with ideas of the future. The future for my husband and me, the future of our children. And part of it is centered around food. I'm learning more about what is truly real food, looking beyond organic, and realizing I can't find most of what I need at the store. And a lot of it I can't even find locally. What I can find, I can't afford.
Yet, as we gave thanks for our food this evening, I was reminded to be thankful for food at all, even if it isn't as nutritious as it could be. And I was reminded that, although we have a responsibility to care for our bodies as best we can, our spiritual health is what is most important. I have hope that in the future we can provide our food for ourselves more, or get it from friends and neighbors. But mostly I have a hope that I can instill a balance in my children - to seek good health, enjoyment, and a quality life - but more importantly to seek Christ in all, putting Him above everything else.
So these are my thoughts today as I wait.