Ready and Waiting... Part 2

A week later, and still waiting... I was feeling pretty discouraged last night and stressed about the timing. But God, in His graciousness, gave me a peace. And not just an unexplainable peace, but also some rationalization, which He knows I need. So I am feeling better, but I still have moments when I think, "I wish this would just happen already!" Then I try to think, "I trust You Lord. Help me to enjoy the time."

For, really, there's no rush. Coach is home a lot, so he helps with Sweet Girl if I need a break (which I do often!). He goes up and down the stairs putting the laundry in the washer or dryer and brings it back up again. He does the dishes. He rubs my feet at night. It's great to spend so much time with him!

And Sweet Girl... it was her birthday yesterday and we celebrated by having some friends over in the morning and going to the park (her favorite) in the evening. So besides trying to enjoy my time with them, here and now, I am trying to just keep going as if I wasn't waiting for something big to happen any moment.

I started another book, Little Women.  I read it in junior high, but I don't remember much of it at all. I didn't start a book for a couple days because I was "sure" I wouldn't have time to finish it. But, obviously, I've had more time than I thought and reading is so relaxing (and distracting!).

I started a year-long "research project". Basically I want to learn more about real food and traditional ways of preparing it. Next I want to plan ways to implement all I learn into our lives. The goal is at the end of the year to have a timeline of changes to slowly make in regards to what food I buy and how I prepare it. I have eleven goals (so far) of things I want to learn or plan during this time. I hope to have this as my sole focus for the short times I get to myself. We'll see how it goes. I was planning on starting a month or two after the baby's born, but since I had extra time on my hands, I went ahead and made my goals and I'll do what I can until then.

Mostly I will do my research online. To organize all the information I find, without writing a ton of notes, I downloaded the program Evernote. I heard about it awhile ago here, but since we were using Coach's work laptop, I didn't want to download it on there. Now we have a new computer (which I love!), so I did it. I think it will be very handy and I'm really excited.

That brings me to thoughts about this blog. I'm not sure what I'll want to do here after the dust settles with the baby. It might be a random, when-I-have-thoughts-blog again. After all, I'm sure I'll have much less time. But maybe I'll want to do something structured again, just not as much. Maybe I will want to share all I'm learning in my research project. I would like some opinion from my few readers (I knew there are a couple out there...). At least so I can give it some consideration. I do enjoy blogging, but it does take time and effort. I may not miss it so much once I'm busier... Just not sure what direction I'll go.

Please keep us in your prayers during this time! It's certainly a trial of patience and trust.

Thoughtful Thursday: On Being a Coach's Wife

Saturday at church a lady asked me, "Do you feel like a single mother now that baseball season has started?" I laughed and said, "Yes, but it's harder because I still have to feed him when he gets home!"

I had been reflecting on this new development in my life and how it's been different than I had imagined. Although I didn't really put too much thought into what it might be like, my main thought was that it would be way easier than pro-ball life because he wouldn't be gone for 4-8 days at a time at frequent intervals. While I am glad he's not going on long road trips, it still has taken some adjustment and it is still a lot of work, just different.

Instead he's working 10-11 hour days, most days. Sometimes he comes home for lunch, sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes he's home by 7:00, sometimes later (and occasionally, earlier). Sometimes he stops by at random times during the day. Anyone who knows me can see why this alone would be hard on me. I like routine!

However, it hasn't been too bad. I've actually been fairly flexible. It helps that I can have an idea of what the week will look like before it starts. Also, four years of pro-ball has broken me in somewhat... I've had to learn to be flexible! It does kind of stretch me in less noticeable ways. It's just much more calm and comfortable when things are fairly the same from day to day and week to week. And, obviously, it's harder being the parent most of the time.

One thing that is a little difficult, as it was with pro-ball, is, not the leaving of the husband, but the return. Yes, he's missed when he's gone, but it's also easier. Smaller meals to fix and all of nap and night time to myself. And lets not forget the whole bed to myself! Ha ha! But seriously, by the time he gets back, I'm used to doing everything myself, the way I like it done. Just like living with him for the first time took adjustment, it takes time once he's back to readjust. These are good opportunities to be patient and understanding (and let go of control), but I am usually so excited to have him back that I forget that these trials come up, so they take me by surprise and I usually lack that patience and understanding. Fortunately, we're back in sync fairly quickly.

Going to games has been fun. It's nice that the field is only a five minute walk from our house, and the weather has been gorgeous. But, it's yet another thing that wears me down a bit. Packing snacks, being presentable, regulating Sweet Girl, disciplining subtly (because people are watching!), and finally the walk home. It really is fun, don't get me wrong, but it's work too.

Then there's the publicity aspect. I never really liked it that fans, complete strangers to me, knew who I was and who I was married to. And now, it's parents. Not as creepy, but still catches me off guard when a mom chats with me in the bathroom about my daughter or my husband. I mean, what's your name again? I know they all mean well, I'm just a privacy snob. And I haven't been there enough (or been able to people watch enough) to see who's there every time and make note of who cheers specifically for whom, etc. I mean, I'm just trying to keep my daughter happy most of the time! I'm lucky if I get to watch the game some too.

I've enjoyed the memories it brings back to me of when my husband and I were dating. It was his senior year of college. I spent every weekend at his games. I got to know the moms... and baseball. I liked how people yelled, "Let's go 1-2!" for the player with the number 12. The players were right there. The crowds were small; it was intimate. It felt safe. After pro-ball, this is a welcome relief. People are at the games because they are invested in the players or college in some way. Not because they are fanatics about the team or want a ball signed by a maybe-celebrity-someday. Although I would say the majority of the people at professional games are there just for a good ball game, which I am all for, I saw a lot of crazy things too. I'm happy to be somewhere low-key again.

And finally, what makes me happiest is knowing my husband is loving his job. I don't get to see him in action much because he's the pitching coach. He stays in the dugout unless a pitcher is struggling. I'm sorry for the pitcher, but I get excited when I see him walk out and I get to see him "in action." (All he does is give the pitcher a pep talk.) We sit on the opponents side so we can see him in the dugout and sometimes he'll wave to us. And although he's adjusting to this new role too, and some things are hard for him, I know he's happier in this role, and excited to continue and develop as a coach. I feel the same about being a coach's wife.

Human Rights

The matter of human rights has been rolling in my head this month. It's interesting to me that I read the book The Help, a novel revealing relationships between white and black women in the '60s, and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday was observed on the 16th. But also, the abortion issue is big this month with the Right to Life march in DC, and I participated in a small one in our community the same day. Maybe all this doesn't seem to have an obvious connection, but to me, it all fit together.

As I looked up a slogan to put on my poster for the march, the only one that I thought was really good said "Human Rights Begin With Human Life." Really, if you don't respect life at the start, why would you at any other point? And it brought me back to my thoughts from The Help. It was eye-opening to me that women, people, could treat others with such disrespect and audacity. (Of course, not everyone in the book did.) Reflecting on how anyone could justify it, I had to remember that in the South, white people were brought up to believe that blacks were different, dirty, and dangerous, just like I was brought up to believe Jesus is good and the Savior of the world. However, as we mature, we all have to come to an opinion of our own. But changing beliefs takes a lot of circumstances to even make us reconsider.

To me, the point of fighting for human rights is to affirm that every life is important. Whether it is an unplanned pregnancy, a person with black skin, a homeless person, or an alcoholic. After all, Jesus loved everyone while He was on Earth, even though who beat him and crucified Him. That is the prime example for us.

I think the hard thing in the abortion issue is that some of those in favor of it claim that the fertilized egg, even the fetus, is not a real human life. I'm not up on that argument enough to know when they claim it is, but it seems to me the kind of thing that it hard to argue with. How can you prove a fertilized egg has a soul? You have to believe it. And you can't make some one have faith in something. They must choose to. So if someone truly believes that blacks are less than human, than how do you prove to them they aren't? But, through a great movement lead by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and many others, that belief is now unpopular and definitely unsupported. Maybe, God willing and God help us, someday the belief that a child in womb is not worthy to live, will be in our past as well.